The Market is Gaslighting Me and I’m Starting to Like It

Written by: George from The Smartin Team

The SPY finished the week at 754.95, up a whopping 0.49%. Do you know what 0.49% gets you? It’s the interest on a loyalty card at a dry cleaner that’s about to go out of business. It’s nothing. It’s a rounding error on my misery. But because the number is green, I’m supposed to feel “optimistic.” Optimism is a trap! It’s the little piece of cheese in the mousetrap of capitalism.

My instincts are a disaster. I looked at META on Monday and thought, “Who needs more social media? People are outside! They’re looking at trees!” Then it jumps 11.5% to $669.21. $669! That’s not a stock price; that’s a luxury car payment. Peter Lynch says “buy what you know,” and what I know is that I’m being personally targeted by Mark Zuckerberg’s P/E ratio. Is there a fundamental reason for this, or is it just another fad designed to make me feel small and poor?

The Wingstop Betrayal

And then there’s WING. Down 10.1% to $153.29. Who stops eating wings? It’s a recession-proof food! You’re sad? Wings. You’re happy? Wings. You’re watching the Euro Stoxx 50 drop 1.78% and realizing the entire continent of Europe is having a worse week than you? You should be eating wings! But no, WING takes a double-digit dive. It’s a fundamental breakdown of the American psyche. If we can’t count on fried poultry, what do we have?

I’m looking at the global context—the TA-35 in Israel down 2.72%, Europe in the red—and the QQQ is sitting there at 725.51, up 0.37% like nothing is wrong. It’s eerie. It’s like being at a party where everyone is laughing but you’re the only one who noticed the host is packing a suitcase and staring at the back door.

My Spite-Based Strategy

BABA went up 14.7% to $112.33. I’ve spent three years telling everyone BABA was a “value play” while it cratered. The second I stop talking about it, the second I decide it’s a “dead dog,” it pops nearly fifteen percent. It’s spite! The ticker is sentient and it hates me.

I’ve decided to stop listening to my brain. My brain is a liar. My gut is a con artist. Every time I feel a “sure thing” coming on, I’m going to do the exact opposite. If I feel like buying a “disruptive AI quantum” stock like IONQ—which, by the way, just dropped 12.3% to $42.86—I’m going to buy a bonds or maybe just put the money in a coffee can and bury it in the park.

I’m trying to find some logic in this mess, but I’m just a man standing in front of a flickering monitor asking a line graph to love him back. Lynch says to look at the debt, look at the growth, look at the PEG. I look at the screen and I just see my own reflection looking disappointed in my life choices.

If you want to avoid ending up like me—screaming at a chicken wing price chart in a dark room—you need something that doesn’t have “feelings” or “spite.” This fun stock market app does the math so you don’t have to rely on a nervous breakdown for financial planning.

Run the numbers through Smartin before your gut ruins your life again.